Bald and Naked

I need to confess something.

Using my iPhone, I take pictures and videos of the top of my head about once a month as a preemptive anti-balding reconnaissance mission. I look over the new intelligence and make an assessment regarding the purchase of some Rogaine. 

I can accept that I will get older, but I don’t want to look like it. Someone is going to have to tell me when I’m too old for an eyebrow ring. And then again when I’m WAY too old.

I have this sense that once I get older I will have to give up on my passions. As if the number of hair follicles on my scalp must be equal to or greater than the number of great things I can accomplish for the rest of my life. I hide my fear of inadequacy behind my outward confident appearance.

Within my faith, there is one word that causes me to sweat in fear that my confident appearance will be breached and all defenses will be compromised.

Discernment.

Whenever someone casually tells me that his or her gift is spiritual discernment I quickly decide I need to get out of that room. I think “Surely this person must be hinting that she knows my secret sins. I’ve been given a chance to expose myself instead of being torn apart by this discerning person!” This most typically happens in a small group discussion and I spend the rest of the hour sitting in the circle feeling completely naked.

Usually, though, I’m not confronted by any discerners. But I’m glad it happens. God provides wise people in my life and I don’t get caught up thinking that the point of my faith is to fool everyone. Then I can live in grace. Then I can find forgiveness. Then I can share my sins and what I have learned from them.

Am I the only one who freaks out when a discerner is discovered?

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4 comments

  1. Meh, I’d say this is pretty typical. Fear of exposure, and I’m glad to have realized that the opinion of others matters none. Sure, I have things about myself that I don’t like- but I don’t care if other people know.
    It’s way more comfortable to be nude than clothed.
    If i say what I want to say, and not what I think I have to, people will filter themselves out, and all that remains are people who accept who I really am. Then, I never have to hide or shift anything.
    That being said- I’ve definitely struggled with this in the past. Meh- life’s too short to struggle with this sort of thing.

  2. As a fellow friend with fewer follicles I say let them go, the hair and the fig leaf. We should let the discerners discern, if that is indeed what they are doing, and remain humble.
    Eph 5:21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
    2 Cor 4:2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.
    John 1 1:7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
    Romans 5:20 But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more,

    As far as the hair goes, I sympathize with your struggle. But I’ve decided to let nature run it’s course. I have a good wife that will love me regardless of my follicle count, and you do too, so be thankful and break out the sunscreen and the ball caps.

    (Psssss Chad….you are too old for an eyebrow ring)

  3. That is the exact reason why I don’t like to tell people what one of my spiritual gifts is. I don’t want people to freak out or think I’m judging in any way. I’m thankful for this gift, but it sure is difficult to manage sometimes. It makes me constantly have to rely on the Holy Spirit.


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